so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
