so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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