hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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