I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
