Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When are your genitals available?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
