I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
