I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
