Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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