im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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