his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
