if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
These tits shall not be calmed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
