i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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