Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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