Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
