she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
