you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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