I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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