all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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