Fine. I'll sleep in my office
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
