I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize