is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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