Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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