Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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