I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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