dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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