just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
