you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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