Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
