If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
