so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
