I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
