Your dad touched me again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize