you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
