i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
