trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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