I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
