He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
