How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
