our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
