Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
