How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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