areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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