i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
