you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
