I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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