So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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