I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
