Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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