mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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