You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
