Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
