just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
