Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
