I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
