i would punch a child for taco bell
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
