Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
