so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
