the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
