Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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