Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
