you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
