I only kidnapped one of them. chill
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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