Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
