Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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