Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
