Operation Purity has been aborted
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
