My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize