I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
