never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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