We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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