oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize