Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
