I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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