I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
