Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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