talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
