508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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