Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
