Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
