Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
