the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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