mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am naked and annoyed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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