jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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