No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
