We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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