I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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