are you still at the devil's house?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
