If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
