Can Purell be used as lube?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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