someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
