I only kidnapped one of them. chill
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
